Sunday, 16 September 2012

Ways to NOT spend your Sunday afternoon.....

Okay....sorry folks.....But I feel a major rant coming on.

Yesterday afternoon Hubby shocked me by declaring that we would go off in the morning and pre-order me one of the new Apple iPhones.  If you have read my blog previously you will know that I have been nagging for an upgrade from my dumb phone for a while.  What came over him to result in such an about turn I'm not sure....but I wasn't complaining.....yet.

So this morning we set off bright and early for the local Optus shop intent on upgrading my current pre-paid, and getting my name down for the shiny new....better than ever....slimmer.....lighter....will do anything....including the dishes (almost)......iPhone 5.

Seems we were a little deluded in thinking that the place to go to upgrade an Optus account was an Optus shop......"Oh need to do that on line....pre-order the phone....and then collect it from this store.  If you have any this customer service don't come to me with your issues. (Seems to me Optus may as well post the phones out and close down the stores if they are only a collection booth...they could save some money...and pass the savings on to their customers...ha ha).

So home we went....I log into Optus....first screen I see... pre-order an iPhone here.  Well that's nice...I'll be done in a tick.  Poor deluded fool was I!!  Select your phone, memory size, colour.....are you an existing customer.....Yes.....enter your phone number....ok.....enter your account number.....oops I'm prepaid, I don't have's a mandatory going forwards.  Ok, close the screen....start again....enter through the prepaid menu.  Would you like to upgrade to a plan.....Yes....please take a moment to create an we're talking!!

I was going fine until create your user name.  The handy hint suggested something you will easily remember e.g. Michael.Smith123.  Ha!!  No exaggeration, I sat there for an hour coming up with every possible combination of my name, birth date, address, phone number, pet's name, bra size, rapidly diminishing IQ...and sometimes a long string of all the above combined.  Taken.....already in use.....unavailable!!  Are you really telling me that someone is currently using my mobile number as their log in??

I finally came up with some convoluted combination, that joy of joys, was available.  Now password....too weak....piss weak....are you kidding weak.....a little better but I could hack you in 15 seconds weak.  I finally managed one that I might be able to remember that gave me the encouraging....mediocre.

Click the complete button....YAY!!

Now log in, we have sent you a security!  An email provides me with a link to log in.  Enter your user name and your password....ok...."Your user name and/or password are incorrect".  Try again and again....same result.  Swearing and cursing I dig around in my handbag for the customer service number, the ever so helpful salesgirl gave me (she obviously knew I'd be needing it).

Ring....enter your phone number....Press 1 for service....blah....blah....blah....then wait.

"Habib speaking, how may I help you?"

Habib sounded like he was taking the call from one of those overcrowded trains in Calcutta....I'm certain I heard chickens in the background.

" the field that asks for your password....don't enter your password...enter your security code"

Oh of course...don't enter what they asked for, enter that other thing completely....OK!!

Habib hangs up quickly....I'm pretty sure a small child fell out of the overhead compartment onto his phone.

So I enter my long convoluted, but correct, user name and Optus' security code.....Your user name and/or password are incorrect....access denied!!!

I'm ready to kick some Optus butt...try again....this service is unavailable due to s@&hrh%jjruj(h (or some other equally indecipherable code)!!


So 2 hours later I have no account and no phone ordered...but I do have a raging case of high blood pressure!!!

That's 2 hours of my life I'll never get back!!

'Yes' Optus????

I don't think so!!!!!

1 comment: